Better late than never...

It may have taken me four-and-one-half months of working to realize it, but driving to work each night isn't simply about the mental prep for the nursing battle ahead of me, but really, the spiritual battle that awaits.

I feel like so often, when I clock out and drive away, I think t0 myself, "You could have done better than that, Kristin," and wonder if much impact has even been made in the way of being a "LIGHT" to my coworkers.

Since October 12 (it was an awesome birthday gift, by the way), I've been privileged to be employed at the Rehabilitation and Nursing Center of the Rockies, a fancy name for a nursing home, really. It's been an incredible blessing financially, experience wise, and even with making friends since my move to Fort Collins, Colorado. I've fallen "in love" with several of my 38 patients and have been challenged to step up to the leadership role required as the only RN in the building through those night-time hours. What a blessing! And I'll be the first to admint it has been nothing short of an incredibly stretching challenge.

One of the saddest aspects of my place of employment, and I guess I'm lead to believe it's perhaps in most nursing institutions (??) is the gossip and backstabbing that is so persistent. Gosh, am I working in "the world" or something?... derr. "What do you expect?!" John tells me so often... and he's right! What do I expect? Going to Biola was certainly one of the biggest blessings in my training to be a nurse and a witness for Jesus. Biola's mission statement includes "to impact THE WORLD for the Lord Jesus Christ," ie, TO GO. Well, I've certainly gone, but may have gone with unrealistic expectations. It's tough. It's easy to succumb to the complaining that is so prevalent. It's easy to not go a little further and speak optimistically about someone or something when a fellow employee is "verbally barfing" on you. People seem to think I'm safe to barf on. And quite frankly, that's a good thing. It gives me a whole-lot of opportunity to speak up for others, to be positive, and to direct them toward PEACE. Unfortunately, I don't always step up to the task.

I'd like to blame my workload on some of my complacency. I think, "I just don't have the time to get into it right now, so let her say what she has to say, and hurry off to the next task, med administration, treatment, whatever." But quite frankly, what's happening is I'm being lazy and not taking advantage of the great opportunity God has given me to speak up. Granted, there are times when it's just not appropriate because time management and prioritizing say so, but I'm not particularly speaking of those times.

In my foolishness, I even prayed for answers to questions like, "how exactly am I to respond here?" or, "what is my role at RNCR?" without opening God's word, his Sword of the Spirit, to find out what He has to say. Since I have realized my great idiocy (don't worry, I'm not being that hard on myself when I say that... I know you all know how hard I can be on myself), God has nothing but POURED out answers to all my questions. SURPRISE! Not. Haha.

Not that I haven't realized it before, but I'm starved for God's Word. I crave His instruction. I am so lost without it. So, I thought in case anyone else seemed to be feeling even a minute bit of what I've been feeling, I would share some of the passages God has given me. Perhaps it will encourge you, too...or give you answers to questions you've also been too lazy to go to God's word for. I'm so human.... and yet it's no excuse.

"Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil for evil or insult with insult, bit with BLESSING (!), because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. For 'Whoever would love and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech. He must turn from evil and do good; he must SEEK PEACE and PURSUE it. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their prayer, but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.' Who is going to harm you if you do good? But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. 'DO NOT FEAR WHAT THEY FEAR; do not be frightened.' But in your hearts SET APART CHRIST AS LORD. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander. It is better, if it is God's will, to suffer for doing good than for doing evil." 1 Peter 3:8-17

"The end of all things is near. therefore, be clear minded and self-contorlled so that you can pray. Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins." 1 Peter 4:7-8

"His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who led us by his own glory and goodness. through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires. For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unprodctive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins." 2 Peter 1:3-9

Also, the armour of God, Phil. 5:6...

I could go on, we all know. I just wanted to share some of the main passages that have really stuck out to me.

For a long time, John has said, "it's go time!" when I'm getting ready for work, and I've always taken that as the physical, mental aspect of nursing...offering care. But really, "it's go time," should just as much, if not more, be in regard to the spiritual battle that awaits. Apperently, that's what he has been referring to all along, I'm just slow on the up-take. Hah. Nothing new there. Better late than never!

I miss you guys all so much! Man, it'd be awesome to be working together, but what a blessing (and challenge) it is to work with those who are so lost (apparently the f-bomb is a noun, verb, and adjective here in Colorado), haha. It's so exciting to hear what everyone is up to. Please keep posting!!

Miss and love you all,
KLane

P.S. My nieces are cute!

Just because we've been a little lacking in pictures lately.... :)

i love bald kids :)

Hi everyone (who still reads these). :)

Here's my life update:
I've been working at Children's Hospital Los Angeles (CHLA) since November. I got hired into their New Grad program that's 5 1/2 months so I finish training in April. I've been working on the oncology unit, specifically with the solid tumor kids, and I have to say I'm loving it. :) Yeah, its definitely sad sometimes; I had my first experience with a kid's death on the unit a couple days ago and I've sat in on a couple conferences when parents are given bad news about their kid's prognosis. It's not easy, but I think I've been more surprised at how much hope there is. My experience in Peds Onc has been way different than my rotation at City of Hope. With kids, it seems like there is a lot more hope and resilience...not to sound cliche but it's really true.

Overall, I've just been really encouraged that God brought me here, at this time, for these kids, in this city. The city of LA was pretty much on my "never" list, if I had made one, but I've been pleasantly surprised by how great it is. If you guys ever get to visit, Reality LA is a pretty rad church with some people who really love God. :) LA is also a great place to be gluten-free since its kind of a fad around here (I don't get why, but it works for me!) I get to live next to Griffith Park, drive to work on Sunset Blvd in the morning, and look into the eyes of beautiful bald children who are braving life way better than I have so far.

Keep the posts coming. Even if you've already posted, give us another update. It's encouraging to see where God's brought everyone and how He's working. :)